My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
