everyone is single if you try hard enough
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
