All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
