I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
