I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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