Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
