Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
