Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm like, not good at living.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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