booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
