booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
