I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
