Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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