She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
