Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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