I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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