need another drink. this is the easiest way
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
