I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
