PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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