I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize