Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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