I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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