okay pat passed out under dana's car
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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