why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
