Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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