I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
