I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
