It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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