yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
