Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
