can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
