You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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