I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
