dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
