dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Terrible idea I love it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
