Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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