Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
