is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
