WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
