I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
