I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
