Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
