On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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