gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
