the condom got lost in my hair
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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