$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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