Apparently you make a good broom.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
