also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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