you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
