She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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