i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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